Part of the goal behind using social media is making friends, not enemies. It’s easy to make enemies; it’s more difficult to make friends. Who said that? I’m sure it was said before me, at least I hope it was.
Last week I became involved in a LinkedIn group conversation that started to go a little hairy, but fortunately didn’t get out of control, as these things sometimes can. If you’ll read the conversation, which starts here, you’ll see that things got heated relatively quickly. And you’ll also see that some of the comments made weren’t appreciated by some individuals in the group. I’d have to say that, at first, I was one of them.
Reading through, you’ll see that I was “snarked” with a comment about a $15 economics textbook. Now, I could have gone off the deep end over that one, because on the face it appears to be quite a smack. But I thought twice before “speaking” once. I imagined that commenter and I in a face-to-face conversation; and I also imagined him making that comment with a smile on his face and a lilt in his voice. Nuances indicating that the comment was a just a friendly jibe, not meant to insult or demean.
Nuance is lost, or at least misplace, in social media. Funny huh? Since part of social media’s intent is about making friends. Emoticons can’t carry all the weight that nuance has for centuries, nay millennia. So when we mix it up on the social web, we must be aware of that and choose our words carefully, and read over, at least once, what we’ve just written before pushing the Send button. When reading it over, if what you’ve written seems like it could be misconstrued in terms of the emotions, then write about the emotion that you wish to convey. Put it in words instead of leaving it up to the roulette wheel of interpretation. Say what you mean, yes. But on the social web we must also say what we imply.
Seems like a lot of effort? Well, yeah. It is. But then making friends isn’t always easy. Oh, and speaking of making friends? That commenter that jibed me about the economics book? Shortly thereafter we spoke on the phone, he initiated the conversation by the way. And since then I feel like a found a new friend.
Amazing ain’t it?
I’m that new friend, noted above. Yes, the (initially) snarky one. I’d like to even expand on Richard’s keen insights to explore a couple possible corporate social media best practices. Because it’s tough out there, but brands and people can and do become more fully cooperative, human, intelligent and aware — as Richard actually is.
Online commentary and linear discussion on a range of topics is just a part of the expanding new digital connectivity. Human emotions won’t suddenly vanish or be well-packaged in new and changing envrionments. In fact, as Richard points out, it’s often easier to get offended or in a fightin’ spirit in the digital mosh pit– there’s little subtly; once it’s posted it’s posted; and as readers and interpretters, we all bring our unique and changing influencers and subjectivity.
Writing is revealing. People in love but separated by distance are often surprised at how they’re able to get a deeper sense of the other by virtue of the inner-revealing aspects of written word, choice, style and expression — whether they know it or not — and many sides can emerge otherwise unseen or unwitnessed.
Because emotion changes and is often fleeting, most of us are simply unaware of how and what it is we’re feeling or thinking — and how it gets expressed and how others will or do interpret it. It’s all happening at very fast rates, usually below conscious awareness. But its happening, and none of us feel chipper 24/7.
After I’d made some offhand, snarly comments, Richard chose to link up and place me in a networking category — raising the level of the connection beyond my offhand comments. In prisoner’s dillema vernacular, (en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Prisoner’s_dilemma ), he cooperated first. He was actively willing to broaden the level discussion (still with the ability to disengage, ignore or change that status, based on mynext exchange) — despite feeling offended by what first felt like a negative barrage.
As a result, I was compelled to “cooperate” and connect with him directly, and I called him. After raising the level of the exchange, we further expanded the dialog from the blog to the phone — it immediately brought new dimension to the dialog, and prevented the train from derailing.
By seeking to cooperate first, Richard invited a positive outcome.
By changing and adding new channels, we dimensionalized the dialog and built upon his first decision.
By doing so, we were able to see eachother as human beings, not foes. Cooperation has benefits. It enabled the relationship I’m hopeful will expand into the future. The feel-good is obvious. The business result? I’m committed to keeping Kahuna’s obvious skills and authentic practices top of mind, and I’ve already recommended them to a large client. True.)
There’s no margin in making enemies.
For brands seeking to leverage social media for buidling business, and connecting with human beings without rejecting negative emotions or poor communications skills, courage, borders, limits and best pracitices are indeed crucial. So are active listening skills, cooperation as strategy, willingness for advancing dialog, and a clear distinction and realization that potential friends and clients may at first appear to reject what we’re doing — but smart cooperation builds lasting friends – and revenue.